Remember when we thought we couldn't?

This is for all the ladies out there who have waited behind while the person they love shipped out overseas for what seemed like endless months.

Remember when we had those moments where we just thought we couldn’t do it anymore?

I do.

I remember when his deployment got extended an extra 6 months (total of 1 year) and I got in bed and cried every single day for a week straight and contemplated on how in the world I was going to be able to go an extra 6 months without him.

I remember when I was at my internship and I got an email from the FRO saying, “If you’re receiving this email, then that means your Marine is coming home next week!” I remember making phone calls to my supervisor and boss immediately to take off that week from my internship and work.  I also remember when not even 24 hours later, the FRO emailed us back saying, “I’m so sorry but please disregard that email. They won’t be home until August.” I remember ignoring every person I was with and walking straight into my bedroom, shutting my door, and bursting into the ugliest cry I think I’ve ever had (that type of stuff messes with your head, man.)

I remember being at my college graduation and emailing him during my ceremony because he was the person who I really wanted to be there.

I remember making the move to North Carolina and feeling extremely alone and nervous.

I remember him telling me that the word is that they’ll be coming home in June. I was so angry that he had put an earlier date in my head because of everything that happened in the past few months. I didn’t want to be thinking about June. I didn’t want any part of me to get my hopes up. Hope for the best, expect the worst.

I remember it being mid-June and still not getting a date for his homecoming (at this point, we were in the tenth month of his deployment). I remember sitting on the balcony of my third floor apartment and crying on the phone to my friend saying, “I am so terrified that July will creep up and he will still be overseas.  I can’t feel that heartbreak and disappointment again. HE can’t feel that heartbreak and disappointment again. I’m terrified we’ll have to feel that again."

When a person you love is deployed, your emotions will be played with. There is so much worrying, longing, and fearing for their safety that will take place.  When J’s deployment got extended, those emotions went into overdrive. I was not myself. I knew it and my friends knew it. Honestly, I don’t think I went back to being myself until the love of my life was back in my arms after a 305 day deployment (yep, most people who have a love one deployed will probably be able to tell you exactly how many days they’ve been gone).

So…despite all of those times that I felt like I couldn’t do it or that I couldn’t make it, I DID make it. I was proud of J, proud of myself, and proud of us as a couple that we made it through the most challenging time of both of our lives. We didn’t just make it, we grew and we thrived from it. Our love grew immensely stronger, our support for one another magnified. We, as a couple, came out stronger.  We, as individuals, came out stronger.

So…to all of you who are waiting at home for the man or woman you love, this is someone who has been through it telling you that you WILL make it! It’s okay to have those feelings of not being able to make it. It’s okay to have those days where you lay in bed all day and cry. It’s okay to have those nights where you spray his cologne on his pillow and listen to the saved voicemails you have from so you can hear it’s voice (I probably did this last one way too often, woops).  Don’t feel like you have to be strong ALL THE TIME. It’s okay to have your sad days, your mad days, and your hopeless days. Just make sure those days don’t turn into EVERY day. I promise that you can do this.

Don’t lose hope, keep hanging in there, support your loved one overseas, and keep kicking ass! Deployment will end. It always does. It is NOT forever, only temporary.